umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
