Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just had sex bonerless
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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