i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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