dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
