actually, I'm a sock model
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
