You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
