I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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