so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
