you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
