So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
