You left your underwear on the fireplace
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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