drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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