I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
