Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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