you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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