I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
