legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
