Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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