the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Alive.
So much puke
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
