The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
