i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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