So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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