Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
