it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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