wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
