I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
