i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
