seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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