My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
