i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
