I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
