stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
