yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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