I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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