So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
