i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
