Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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