Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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