I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
