I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
