my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
