The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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