and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
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So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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