Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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