Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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