I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
