Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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