a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
