that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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