time to smoke my breakfast
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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