There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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