it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
