I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
