i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
