who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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