Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
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I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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