Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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