Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
