I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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