wanna go halves on a baby?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
