i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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