Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
