"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
