Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
