i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
