I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
