why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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