My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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