Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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