Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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