those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
