do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
