She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
