we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
