i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
